Fucking Garage....

...and its fucking customers.

Seriously.

As much as you would think it would be a time of peace and good will, Christmas shoppers are ASSHOLES!

I don't fucking care how special you think you are, please don't piss on my day. I didn't do anything to you. I didn't do anything to make your day shitty.

Please don't throw stuff at me.
Please don't rip my face off.
Please don't treat me like I've somehow pissed in your coffee.
Please don't allow your misbehaved mongrel little children to fuck with my work station.
Please don't snap your gum at me. Eww.

Ugh.

Only a few shopping days left until people pull the stick out.

Cheraya: Punk Rock All-Star

Its been a minute since I posted any sweet pics of Cheraya, so here she is....

Just...I don't know....

I get home and Cheraya is running around like a mad woman with her little friend Lexi. My neighbor called me earlier and made up some bull about what the kids were (not actually) doing and that they didn't seem to be supervised (they were). The busybody neighbor is irritating anyway, but to then call and say something that's not even happening when I'm at work and there's not a damn thing I can do about it is just too much.

Anyway, she's running around like crazy. They've been running in and out of my apartment all afternoon, and it was messy before, but its totally fucked up, so now I get to go spend the next few hours cleaning up a giant fucking mess. So that's perfect.

I am trying not to be totally annoyed, because both of these things, as well as the rest of the irritating things earlier in the day, are just stupid little things that are now all adding up to be really just too much after a day already filled with asinine rich people.

And we all know how Amanda feels about asinine rich people.

Zen, or not really?

So I try to be zen. About everything. Like a duck in water.

So I watch Pulp Fiction last night, which seems a weird thing to make me philosophical, but regardless, it did. So the movie gets over, I tuck Rob into the couch where he's passed out, and I go upstairs.

I get in the shower and I start to think about life. Mostly about my quest for what I call "The Zen". I have mostly found it I think. Mostly found a way to be happy and satisfied with what I have. Happy with my current situations, the good and the bad.

But last night I start to wonder if being Zen is really a good thing. Is it that I am a Zen Master, or have I become complacent? So jaded by the seemingly insurmountable bullshit that I gave up caring about it. Is it something to work for, or is it as sad as it seems when I think about it that way?

I don't know.

I know I feel happier when I just don't care about shit like I used to anymore. My only problem is that now I wonder if I'm copping out. If I'm accepting what is simply because that's what it is.

Have I lost my interest in trying to change things for the better?

Have I lost my idealism?

Is there a way to be a Zen idealist?

To still give a fuck for what should be, while accepting what is?

Thoughts?

Talk about a shitty fucking day....

I wake up late.

Get the girl to school late.

Work is stupid.

Now I'm having daycare issues.

I get home and feel just rotten so I lie down for 20 minutes.

Mom calls and rouses me back to the world of the living, only to get in a heated discussion with me about what she wants me to do as opposed to what I'm doing.

She tells me I am selfish for sharing my problems. Not asking for help, just telling.

She tells me I'm lazy and selling out because I'm not doing professionally what she thinks I should do.

She tells me she worries what people will think about the kind of mother she is because of me.

She tells me my laziness makes her ill.

She tells me I need to just suck it up and jump in the rat race or I'll always be a failure.....

That I have a daughter to raise and can't do that properly if I'm a failure....

I tell her there's nothing more to say.

She tells me she loves me and doesn't want me to be mad at her.

I tell her I'm not.

I tell her I need to go, I have dinner plans and need to go to the store.

She tells me she loves me again.

I don't know if I believe her.

I think she killed a little part of me today.

And you know....

That's never good.

So I think I might have made a fairly sizeable mistake

So I go to technical school last fall. I think I'm all done being some one's hired bitch (which, as an administrative assistant, I was). I think this idea is genius. GENIUS!

I pay a fuck load of money to go to said technical school. I graduate with academic high honors for the whole time I was a student. I have excellent references from the clinicians I worked with on my clinical extern. I have high hopes of finding a job I'll like and get paid well for.

Yeah, didn't really happen.

Still working at the "temporary" position I had while I was in school, and I'm just kind of floating along.

I'm thinking this wasn't quite the GENIUS idea it seemed like a year ago. Which is a problem.

Hmm.

I think it might be time for a national discussion on manners...

...and the general LACK of them!

You can't call me old fashioned, because I am far from it. I'm also not Ms. Manners, and expect crazy shit like knowing which is supposed to be the salad fork...but damn.

Please, thank you, and you're welcome are ALWAYS appreciated when you mean them.
Do not smack you gum, it is icky. Just don't.
Do not tell people trying to help you to hold on for your cell phone conversation. You stood in my line, now complete our transaction or move the fuck out of the way.
Do not let your children run around like evil little bulldozers.
Do not toss things at me. It's rude, don't do it. If my hand is out, you can hand it to me.
Do not hold up a busy line of people counting out $7 in dimes. It is totally inconsiderate.

Yeesh.

It amuses me that the average American doesn't get why people in other countries think of us as rude.

Its because we have no manners.

I REALLY don't think that is asking to much. Just common courtesy.

Come on. You can do it.

Say it with me.... Responsibility....

Sometimes, I just get riled up.

Today, it's irresponsible, juvenile, selfish, immature, lazy-assed single parents.

The single parents that give single parents like me the bad fucking name. The dumb asses that deserve the judgements I fight everyday because I'm NOT generally a dumb ass.

NO, it is NOT okay to just leave your kid(s) with your parents every fucking weekend so you can party.

NO, it is NOT okay to leave your kid with your parents and move out.

NO, it is NOT okay to bring every Tom, Dick, and Harry over to your house around your kid(s).

NO, it is NOT okay to not try and scratch your way up the ladder of life because "the state can always pay for me."

NO, it is NOT okay to be irresponsible because you're "still young".

Guess what?!

You layed down.
You spread your legs.
You got knocked up.
You didn't take Plan B.
You didn't get a pharmacological abortion.
You didn't then change your mind and have a surgical abortion.
You didn't give your baby up for adoption.
You decided to keep it.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN!

Quit trying just 'some' because tax payers will cover your ass. Stay home on a Saturday night with your kids. They're fun people if you're doing your job right. And for God's sake quit pawning them off on other people so you can "do your thing".

You chose Friday nights with Disney movies and popcorn at home.

Fucking OWN IT and quit flaking and acting like your children are a fucking burden.

Damn.....

So close I can taste it!

Two weeks, people. That's it.

Two more weeks, one class, and I head to my internship.

No more homework, no more Pharmacology tests, no more Terminology tests....

Best of all...?

No more stupid ass drama shit like it's junior high! YAY!!

Take it from me....

...Always get your fucking flu shot.

When you think about the flu, you think about the fever, and the chills, maybe nausea.

OH NO!

Not REAL Influenza...the shit you see on the news!

REAL FLU is the worst pain in your back and joints you've probably ever felt. A 103.5 degree fever that will NOT go away. Viral pneumonia. Your head hurts like you have a migraine and all of a sudden weighs about 30,000 lbs. So horribly stuffy you can barely breathe.

It's no longer watching the 5:00 news wondering what kind of old grannies actually die from something as simple as the flu....

Because you know.

You know how it feels to hold on to the wall praying you won't fall over on the 15' walk to the bathroom. You know how it feels to be so weak you have to ask you 5 year old to open your bottle of water for you. You know how it feels to not even give a shit about the bill, being uninsured and all, to go to the ER, and let them poke you with whatever they want, as long as they do something to make you feel better.

Yeah, so take it from me....

Get the flu shot. A thousand pokes is worth avoiding this nightmare....

Stupid people are everywhere....

Yes, even in college.

Unfortunately, in MY college.

There's this girl, I won't name her. She is seriously one of the most idiotic people I have ever had the bad fortune to meet and get stuck in a room with for 15 hours a week with. Unfortunately, in addition, she had a dip shit friend with her too!!

I am one of the most peace-loving, tree-hugging, non-violent people you have ever come into contact with, but sometimes it becomes painfully obvious why people kick other people's asses.

Is Homeland Insecurity stalking me?

So this is super odd.

I go to log into Myspace, and it tells me the sign-on is disabled for maintenance. Okay, whatever. So I go to Jeff's page, and I can see him. I do to Serena's page, hers is fine. I go to my URL, and nope. I am down for "Routine Technical Maintenance".

Huh?

I thought it was weird when Walmart (I know it's evil, but I'm poor!) asked for my ID when I bought "Shut Up and Sing" today. Then I talk to a friend, and he says they asked for his ID too when he bought it yesterday....

So he calls his wife and tells her to go to Myspace. She can log in. Her page is up. All of their friend's pages are up. Him? Nope. More of that "Technical Maintenance".

Seems odd.

I'm not a paranoid crazy (I promise), but that's weird, and it kind of freaks me out.

Yes, I give money to the ACLU...and Planned Parenthood...and the Democratic Party...and I shop at EvolveFish...and I make regular calls to Islamic countries (because my DAD lives overseas!)...and I make fun of the POTUS, regularly.....

I am a peace-loving hippy for fucks sake. I do earth day. I try to recycle. I reuse. I only wash laundry on cold. I take public transportation!

I am the LEAST dangerous person I know.

Has the Bush regime progressed to thinking that subversive ideas are tantamount to terrorism?

What the fuck?!