So I try to be zen. About everything. Like a duck in water.
So I watch Pulp Fiction last night, which seems a weird thing to make me philosophical, but regardless, it did. So the movie gets over, I tuck Rob into the couch where he's passed out, and I go upstairs.
I get in the shower and I start to think about life. Mostly about my quest for what I call "The Zen". I have mostly found it I think. Mostly found a way to be happy and satisfied with what I have. Happy with my current situations, the good and the bad.
But last night I start to wonder if being Zen is really a good thing. Is it that I am a Zen Master, or have I become complacent? So jaded by the seemingly insurmountable bullshit that I gave up caring about it. Is it something to work for, or is it as sad as it seems when I think about it that way?
I don't know.
I know I feel happier when I just don't care about shit like I used to anymore. My only problem is that now I wonder if I'm copping out. If I'm accepting what is simply because that's what it is.
Have I lost my interest in trying to change things for the better?
Have I lost my idealism?
Is there a way to be a Zen idealist?
To still give a fuck for what should be, while accepting what is?
Thoughts?
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2 comments:
Well, I don't know about Zen and all that, but I know what you're talking about.
I used to get all riled up about stuff, try to figure out what I could do about it, wonder what kind of world we were creating for our kids. Then I felt helpless. I cried when Kerry gave his concession speech in 04. (Not that I was a huge fan of Kerry, but wanted so desperately for something better than Bush.)
And I had to give up, a lot. Concentrate on what I CAN do, what I can control. What I can do for my children, for myself.
It's not a cop out.
I'm not a religious person, but recently I've taken great comfort in the "serenity" prayer. I want it on a piece of jewelry I can have on me always.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
That, for me, is what it's about.
And, glad to see you posting again!
Thanks! I need to get back to posting.
I feel a little more positive today, but still contemplative about what I may or may not be giving up....
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